Kristina Wong Reimagines The Real Moment Where She Became Part of Ikechukwu Ufomadu’s AMUSEMENTS, But This Time Ruins His Meta Show

My original plan for getting this essay written in airtight turnaround time was to record my live thoughts on a voice memo the second that Ike left the stage. I would then transcribe and make comments, a meta tribute to Ike’s meta Kaufmanesque stand-up show.

After the tedium of transcribing only 3 of 30 minutes, I was over this idea. What I did manage to transcribe was my discussion with my best friend Brian Feldman (who watched the show with me). We talk about the moment in the show where Ike asks if an audience member needs a volunteer – a playful reversal on how comedians often ask for a volunteer among the audience.  Nobody raised their hand. So I did.  

Brian: “I was worried about that moment.”

Kristina: “You were worried I was going to make it about me?”

Brian: “I was terrified.”

Kristina: “You were terrified that I was going to be like… ‘I’m supposed to write a reflection about what I’m witnessing right now. Ike, can you tell me right now, what to write about you?’” 

Brian: “I thought there was a chance that as a conceptual solo artist, you might do that.”  

Kristina: “But I didn’t. I played along like I was just a regular ol’ audience member.”  

But what if I didn’t play along? What if I, Kristina Wong, hijacked Ike’s entire show and replaced him as the brilliant meta comedian star of Amusements? 

Scenario #1: Kristina Ruins Amusements

INT. Peter Jay Sharp Theater, 4th floor Playwrights Horizons. Not to be confused with the Peter Jay Sharp Building where Brooklyn Academy of Music is housed.

IKE
Would anyone in the audience like a volunteer?

Nobody raises their hands. Ike asks again. And a third time. Kristina stands. 

KRISTINA
I’m Kristina Wong, 2022 Pulitzer Prize Finalist in Drama. I was asked to write about this show. 

BRIAN
Whispers and elbows Kristina.
This is not the moment!

KRISTINA
Standing and now louder.
This is absolutely the moment, Brian. 

Audience doesn’t applaud so Kristina leads them in applause of Brian. Actual crickets jump across the stage.

IKE
Maintaining character.
Ok, Kristina. You need a volunteer?

KRISTINA
Yes, Ike. Could you outline some bullet points for my essay about you? 

An usher appears in the aisle. Ike suavely motions to the usher not to intervene. 

AUDIENCE MEMBER 
Hey! Can you just let him do his thing?  

KRISTINA
This is his thing. Deconstructing the comedy in a comedy show in a theater! 

Usher emerges again to help, but trips down the aisle, face first. Injured but not dead. Audience gasps. Blood pools everywhere. Brian laughs.

KRISTINA
You want to be my volunteer? Talk to me about real news headlines! Tell me where you were born! Give me traumatic stories about your upbringing! Give me that earnest pained identity solo show about race and class that is expected from the BIPOC one person show! What’s behind the red curtain? 

Kristina runs onto the stage, tracking the usher’s blood onto the stage. 

IKE
No! Don’t open that curtain!

Kristina opens the red curtain to reveal a mirror. It’s like the set of Slave Play, except we can actually make our faces out in the mirror. Ike screams at his own reflection. The audience screams. We all scream together. It is too much. It is too real. This is no longer amusing… it is no longer Amusements.

Scenario #2: Kristina Ruins Amusements, But Significantly Boosts Her Own Career

INT. Peter Jay Sharp Theater, 4th floor Playwrights Horizons. Not to be confused with the Peter Jay Sharp Volunteer House, inside Riverside Park at 107th Street.

IKE
Would anyone in the audience like a volunteer?

Nobody raises their hands. Kristina stands.

KRISTINA
I’m writing an essay about you. Everything you say can and will be used against you in said essay.

AUDIENCE MEMBER 
I am the executor of the Peter Jay Sharp estate! And you… Kristina Wan– Whang—

KRISTINA
Pulls a show program from “Kristina Wong, Sweatshop Overlord” from her pocket and pronounces her own name 
Kristina Wong… I hope I am pronouncing that correctly.  

MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER
Yeah, you! Her!! We ran out of buildings to name after Peter, and wanted to give it to a meta comedian. This guy is the set up for the punch, and that punch is you, Kristina Wan–Wong. By bravely turning the audience participation part into a full on hijack of this man’s solo show, we award you the remainder of the Peter Jay Sharp estate.

IKE
What? But give me the rest of the show to prove myself –

KRISTINA
Male audience member, thank you! I will share this estate, at least some of it, with Ikechukwu Ufomadu!

Audience applauds Kristina for how flawlessly she pronounces his name. Ike applauds Kristina Wong for her meta performance of both this show and white saviorism. 

Scenario #3: What Actually Happened That Night*

(*Condensed for space. And abbreviated by memory.)

INT. Peter Jay Sharp Theater, 4th floor Playwrights Horizons. Not to be confused with the Peter Jay Sharp Library at the Manhattan School of Music.

IKE
Would anyone in the audience like a volunteer?

Nobody raises their hands. Kristina raises her hand. 

IKE 
Hello, what’s your name?

KRISTINA
Kristina.

IKE
You need a volunteer?

KRISTINA
Yes. Can you organize my wallet?

Kristina hands her long zip-up plastic wallet. Brian holds his breath. With a tenderness that cannot be scripted and yet has the control of a perfect satirist, Ike gingerly unzips the wallet and goes through each of the three sections. Dollars, cards, receipts placed with no particular order in the wallet. An eclectic subversion of order and expectations, much like Ike’s performance.

IKE
I see cash. I’ll move that cash to the cash section. Some cards. Stamps! Stamps are so smart. I often wonder, how can I correspond with someone in Hawaii if I don’t have a phone? 

Ike returns wallet, returns to the stage. Kristina in the audience contemplates how to write about this moment and this show. Audience enjoys this rich meta commentary on stand up comedy until the end.