Late Night Talk Show

TALK SHOW ANNOUNCER: 

From Almanac Studios in New York City, it’s the After Hours Show with Max & Nicky!

Our guests tonight:

Current play at Playwrights Horizons, Regretfully, So the Birds Are.

And, from the smash blockbuster made-for-TV movie Crisis in Mid-Air, Desi Arnaz Jr.

Plus, a musical performance from Keith Carradine of his hit song “I Will Never Forget Your Face.”

With Charlie Parker and the Jeff Beck Big Band.

Now, here are your hosts MAX AND NICKY!

As Max and Nicky enter, the Jeff Beck Big Band plays “Ornithology” by Charlie Parker.

MAX AND NICKY: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much folks. We’ve got a hot hot show tonight.

NICKY: Max, we have a very special guest this evening: current play at Playwrights Horizons, Regretfully, So the Birds Are! Have you seen it yet, Max?

MAX: I have. I have.

NICKY: Oh you have, have you? Well, guess what, Max?… This play is for the birds.

MAX (in a Cockney accent): Really? ‘Cause I saw these birds the other night. And they looked quite smashing. And so I go up to these birds, and I really fancy one of these birds, see. So I start chattin’ it up with this bird, see. And she starts making these cheeky jokes to me. And I realize, this bird fancies me too. So I ask her if she wants to go to a play with me. And so me and this bird, see, we see Regretfully, So the Birds Are, see. And this bird, she really likes it. So yeah, this play is for the birds. And for me, too.

NICKY: That’s what I’m tryin’ to say!

The audience cheers with whistles.

NICKY: So Max, what’d you think?

MAX: You don’t have to ask me. I already said, (in a Cockney accent) “This play is for the birds. And for me, too.”

NICKY: No! I mean, how did it make you feel?

MAX: Nostalgic.

NICKY: Is that all?

MAX: …Yes.

NICKY: What do you mean, “Yes?!”

MAX: For now. I think we should wait until we bring out our first guest so that we can have a proper discussion.

NICKY: Excellent idea, Max! It’s gonna be a slammin’ show. Let’s give it up one more time for Charlie Parker and the Jeff Beck Big Band!

Max and Nicky point to the band and walk over to their desks. There are two, each on either side of the guest couch.

MAX: Well, let’s get to it. Our first guest for the evening —

NICKY: Wait, Max. Before we get to it, a word from our sponsors.

Max and Nicky turn to Camera Two.

MAX: Enjoy the sexy new flavor of marshmallow Peeps.

Nicky pops one in his mouth.

NICKY: Mmm… So sexy.

MAX: Always in season, Peeps! From Just Born Quality Confections.

NICKY: And from Milton Bradley and Rare, the sexiest new video game on the Nintendo Entertainment System, Time Lord.

Max mashes buttons on a Nintendo controller as though he were playing Time Lord.

Max: Mmm… So sexy.

Max and Nicky turn back to Camera One.

MAX: Now, the guest we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s bring her out. She has a new podcast that’s already hit number one on iTunes, and she can currently be seen at Playwrights Horizons here in New York City…

MAX AND NICKY: Regretfully, So the Birds Are!

Regretfully, So the Birds Are awkwardly struts over to the guest couch, bopping her head not quite in rhythm with the band which plays a jazz version of “Mr. Tambourine Man.”

NICKY: So, Regretfully — Can I call you that? “Regretfully?”

REGRETFULLY: … —

NICKY: What are you all about?

MAX: Nicky, that’s a really personal question. So maybe I’ll try to answer what this quirky, surreal, thought-provoking, soul-searching, political, identity-grappling, capitalism and colonization subtexting, mental health commenting, family comedy-drama is all about. 

NICKY: Okay, Max. What do you think Regretfully’s all about?

MAX: Well —

NICKY: First, let me say, the acting in this show is top-notch. I mean that monologue at the end… Well, I won’t ruin it for the audience, but Sasha Diamond, the actress who plays Illy, organically and handily hit each beat in the delivery of her speech. I was completely engrossed. In fact, all the actors display an effortless talent to progress from lighthearted comedy to scenes with more gravitas. It’s really inspiring to watch. These actors capture what they’re feeling without saying a word. And now back to you, Max. You were saying…

MAX: As I was saying… there’s certainly a lot of themes at play here: self-fulfillment and finding yourself, race, identity, political correctness, family… nostalgia. But what struck me most, being a musician myself, is the use of music.

NICKY: Right. Right. Music doesn’t just set a tone or ambience. It serves an important function in the play’s thematic unfolding. But what is that function?

MAX: The play makes reference to tone-deafness at several points. Of course, as an allusion to tone-deafness with regard to identity and racial politics.

NICKY: Very good, Max. Very good. Would you agree with that assessment, Regretfully?

REGRETFULLY: …—

MAX: Of course she does, Nicky! (to Regretfully) Sorry for my brother.

NICKY: But that’s just regarding the references to tone-deafness. What do the diegetic songs signify?

MAX: Well, the first song Illy plays on the ukulele is comedic and perhaps serves simply to soften the heavy news of her and Neel’s relationship. And, it leads us to the discovery that Neel is tone-deaf.  

NICKY: Yes, but the second song seems to carry a lot more weight – it’s more haunting and ominous especially as the cello enters. Illy’s short lyrical passage highlights the theme of life’s impermanence, and is a subtle plea that sadly is ignored.

MAX: Very good, Nicky. Very good.

NICKY: Thank you. I thought so. 

MAX: Anyway, Regretfully, what else are you all about?

REGRETFULLY: …—

MAX: First, let me just say that you, Regretfully, also create a neat dichotomy of discovering one’s identity. On the one hand, Mora is concerned with where she comes from, uncovering her ethnicity and biological past. Whereas Neel tries to find himself and what purpose his existence might serve.  

NICKY: So sort of a past/future kind of a thing.

MAX: Somethin’ like that. 

NICKY: And I suppose Illy is most grounded in the present. 

MAX: So then it’s a trichotomy!

NICKY: Well, no. Illy’s not really hung up on her identity. So still a dichotomy. She’s the most responsible and the most pragmatic. 

MAX: Perhaps… But I mean she is in a relationship with her brother and she buys part of the sky. So there’s that.

NICKY: Right. Right. But those are whole other things to unpack and we don’t have a whole lot of time. Plus, I wanted to talk about the birds.

MAX: Hitchcock?

NICKY: What?! No, there are birds in this play.

MAX: Right. Of course there are. 

NICKY: They looked neato. I mean the design of the birds. That red one especially. It’s quite striking. Seems to be some kind of papier-mâché material or something.

MAX: It was beautiful. But what role do the birds play? That’s the thing I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the most these past few days.

NICKY: Me too. It’s a cool aspect of the play. But what does it mean?

MAX: What does it mean…?

NICKY: ….

REGRETFULLY: —

MAX: Maybe that aspect of the play is for the birds, in a certain respect. Not that it’s unimportant, but perhaps, it’s not meant to be overthought. And just sort of taken in on a visceral and emotional level. And if you can derive a deeper personal understanding of that aspect, then all the better. Kind of in the way David Lynch does things. Not saying the play is stylistically like David Lynch, but he sometimes puts things in his movies that he thinks might be stimulating on an audio/visual level and leaves the interpretation up to the audience. You dig?

NICKY: And maybe that’s what the title of the play suggests and what Neel means when he says, “Regretfully, so the birds are. Regretfully, so am I” when referring to his tone-deafness. The birds sound pleasant to themselves, but we, the audience, cannot possibly comprehend anything because all we hear is out-of-tune cacophony. Our mode of placing too much importance on something, or our overthinking, is getting in the way. You dig? If we just let it be, we might discover the beauty.  

MAX: But now that I’m thinking more about it, maybe this is a reference to a certain cacophony in our society. The play often pokes fun at the constant feeling of walking on eggshells when talking about race and identity politics. Possibly, this is meant to underscore the distractions that prevent us from dealing with actual issues (or “volumes”). And all the cacophony, all that is for the birds, metaphorically speaking. You dig? Perhaps, we’re the tone-deaf ones because we dwell on these distractions. Our compassion is thin; it isn’t deep. We care more about the unimportant things instead of actually tackling the real problems.

NICKY: Well, like what?

MAX: For instance, Illy seems to care, or disingenuously care, about political correctness, but when it comes to “buying the sky,” she selfishly disregards Neel’s attempt to explain its negative impact on the birds. She’s only concerned with her own life. 

NICKY: I can relate to this on a personal level. (Turns to Regretfully) Max is always getting on my case when I buy a Twix or something like that because it’s not fair-trade chocolate. Sometimes, you just gotta choose your battles, and to this point, I sympathize with Illy. 

MAX: I’m not getting on your case. I’m just saying that I don’t think you’re making good decisions when purchasing chocolate.

NICKY: It’s just chocolate!

MAX: That’s right! It’s just chocolate.

NICKY: Right. It’s just chocolate.

MAX: Right. I’m glad we agree.

A few moments of silence pass.

NICKY: And it’s ironic that Illy isn’t mindful of the birds, because she’s most like them. What matters to her is the present. The birds aren’t bogged down by the complex existential issues that humans have, just basic existence. They live in the present and are happy in their flock, just so long as nothing threatens their freedom. Illy is happy, or at least tries to be, with what she has. She’s the one not separating from her flock.

MAX: And though she recognizes Neel is tone-deaf, she’s okay with letting it be… But, she isn’t really happy, is she? She seems to just be avoiding the emotions that come from dealing with such a complex family until it really becomes too much. In other words, we’re not birds.

NICKY: Anyway… Regretfully, enlighten us. What are you all about?

REGRETFULLY: …—

MAX: I’m afraid that’s all the time we have tonight. We want to thank our guest, Regretfully, So the Birds Are. Our apologies to Desi Arnaz Jr. and Keith Carradine. Regretfully, we couldn’t fit them in, but we’ll have them back soon.

MAX AND NICKY: (like Jimmy Durante) Goodnight, Ms. Whistler, wherever you are…

Max and Nicky Weinbach are comedians, musicians, and actors from Los Angeles, CA. They’ve opened up for Reggie Watts, Hannah Einbeinder, Jo Firestone, Brent Weinbach, and DJ Douggpound and have appeared in the New York Comedy Festival’s Comics to Watch, SF Sketchfest, and the Very Big Very Asian Comedy Festival in New York. They also produced two original musicals in San Francisco in 2013, Max’s A Match Made in Hell and Nicky’s Made in China. Make sure to check out their monthly comedy and music show in Brooklyn called Vintage Basement with Max & Nicky.